Friday, August 28, 2009


It's so unfair! I can't stop crying tonight, and i miss him so bad! This is just the worse thing ever. It's just not fair. I miss my baby so much. The hurt i have is like no other pain i have ever felt before. My heart just hurts so bad and i can't make it better. His room is still set up and waiting on him. I just can't get rid of his things.......I'm just having a hard night and thought i would post.



  1. dearest Candice, i've been following your story but haven't post anything as of late. I am not very good w/ words but I thought I let you know that I am really sorry for your loss. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I can tell you my heart ache when I read your post. My heart was shattered when I hear baby Jackson passing. I question myself like you did in your last post. Why why why? Btw, you didn't sound suicidal to me on your last post. I would die for my kids. I would give up any of my organs to save their lives. I know it's not apple to apple comparison but I would feel the same if I am in your shoes. Candice, I am sorry that I really don't know what kind of advice or words that I can provide to ease your pain. All I can do is pray to God to give you strength. Hang in there...

  2. I wish I had words of comfort for you but there are none, Candi. I remember the weeks after Parker passed and feeling the same emptiness and anger you are feeling now. I know the pain you are feeling isn't just emotional but physical too.

    Take your time. Be angry. Be hurt. Be confused. Be whatever you need to be to get through this. And leave his room up as long as you'd like. We kept Parker's up for 8 months after she passed and only took it down because we bought a house elsewhere.

    I wish I could ease your pain. My heart aches for you so much. I am here if you need anything. If you want to talk please call me anytime of the day or night.

    We love you dearly and you and Rob are always in our thoughts and prayers.

  3. We can not imagine what you are feeling. You are in our prayer and we hope that you find comfort tonight and always. You are right, it is not and hugs from Syracuse.

  4. It isn't fair! It isn't right! No mother should ever go through what you are right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. I do pray for you and your family every day to find peace. It isn't fair!

  5. Youre right, it isnt fair!!! No words I can offer will take your pain away or even dimish it, so hopefully virtual hugs will help.

    ((hugs)) ((hugs))

    Praying for you and your family in MI

  6. I wish I could just give you a hug. It was the support I got, and continue to get, from the other CDH mommies that lost their babies that got me thru those first couple months after Kaden died. Your emoitions are valid, and you need to allow yourself to mourn. I think I fought it with everything I had to not just be sad because I had other kids at home and a very sensitive hubby, but it came to a point where I just couldn't do it anymore. Let it out---Let it all out. It helps. BTW, I still have Kaden's room ready for him too--name on the wall, diapers in the drawer, swing put up--everything. His crib is filled with all the things from the hospital, cards, gifts, etc. Sometimes when I am having a bad day, I just go into his room and sit, and let it all out, and be angry and cry. But then I feel better. We are here if you need us....

  7. Like Kristi said, other families have been my biggest support, because really no one in my immediate life understands, just my CDH family. If we had not just moved, Max's room would still be up. I still cry for him- just this morning. Don't feel that you are alone in this. All of your feelings are real and valid and if you ever need to talk to someone who has been there, please let me know. It really helped me to meet other moms and talk to them.


  8. I have been following along the past few weeks b/c of another baby I know with CHD. I am crying so hard I can hardly breath.

    I am rather sure it is suppose to be this hard. It hurts only when you have loved this much. I am praying though this will soften by God's comfort through friends and family that love on you. I know you will never stop missing him.

  9. Dearest Candice
    I am so glad you can come in here and share your heart. I have cried so much for you. It hits so close to home, although Camden made it. I am SO grateful for him, but my heart breaks for the cdh babies who didnt make it. I cant stand it for them and you. when the doctors told me camden probably wouldnt make it through, then being put on ecmo twice, I was pretty sure he wouldnt come home. I would look at all his things and ache. He never wore the newborn diapers and grew out of his bassinet etc. I did that for 3.5 mths while he was in the hospital. Just going through all that, I cant begin imagine what YOUR pain is. Im sorry I am rambling, but I just wanted you to know that you are loved and cared for my many and that I am PRAYING for Jesus' sweet peace in you and your hubby's life...

  10. I can't even pretend to know how you feel, and when I first heard my baby HAD cdh, it never comforted me when people said they related. All I can say is I'm so sorry for your pain, I pray that God gives you the peace that surpasses understanding. Peace...

  11. and I agree with devonleah that he is gorgeous.