LIFE AFTER HIS DEATH

My my I don't know where to start,

First off I want to thank Stephanie and Shawn Studdard for posting to my blog while i was unable to. That helped us more then they'll ever know, and it kept everybody from worrying so much. I know when i was keeping up with other blogs and i didn't hear anything for a while i would begin to worry. The studdards have just been amazing and have done way more then just keep my blog updated. They were truly a blessing to us. I knew God had us find them and meet them for a reason. They were so busy in their own lifes with a baby in the hospital, another at home, and their daughter hollie as well, but they still kept doing for us. We thank you and Shawn from the bottom of our hearts.

We had Jackson's funeral yesterday, and it was just precious. So many people sent flowers and love. We had a family lunch before the funeral that was very thoughtful and delicious! The funeral was extremely hard for us, but God helped us through it all. I still can't believe my baby boy is gone. Even though we knew he was really sick we just never thought that he would be one of the babies that wouldn't make it. We just fell in love with him so fast. I will never forgot the 10 days that i got to hold his hand, love him, kiss him,and change his diapers. He was just so amazing. He always wanted to hold one of our hands, and he had such a tight hold. I loved it when he would open his eyes and look at us. He tried so so hard to stay alive. He wanted to live. He would kick and try to pull his tube out all the time. The doctors even said he had a very strong will to live. Even a lady that was working his ecmo machine told us that you could tell the babies that were going to make it most of the time because they wre so strong, no matter what happened that day he always stayed strong, he never just lay still. God just had other plans for my sweet little man. The hardest part for me is that no matter what the doctors say i know that my baby boy suffered. I don't know why God let him suffer and fight so hard and then took him away. He wanted to live so bad, and I understand he wasn't meant for me to keep and be a mommy to, so why should he have to suffer???? I know God has a plan and that i will never understand, but I'm a little bitter. My heart is just so broken. I must stop writing now it's just to hard at this point.....I just wanted to give everybody an update.

I also want to thank the Parker Reese foundation for the beautiful flowers that you sent and all the prayers.....Thank you everybody for your sweet comments and prayers, we sure do need them......

love you all......candice brooke