Thursday, August 13, 2009

LIFE AFTER HIS DEATH

My my I don't know where to start,

First off I want to thank Stephanie and Shawn Studdard for posting to my blog while i was unable to. That helped us more then they'll ever know, and it kept everybody from worrying so much. I know when i was keeping up with other blogs and i didn't hear anything for a while i would begin to worry. The studdards have just been amazing and have done way more then just keep my blog updated. They were truly a blessing to us. I knew God had us find them and meet them for a reason. They were so busy in their own lifes with a baby in the hospital, another at home, and their daughter hollie as well, but they still kept doing for us. We thank you and Shawn from the bottom of our hearts.

We had Jackson's funeral yesterday, and it was just precious. So many people sent flowers and love. We had a family lunch before the funeral that was very thoughtful and delicious! The funeral was extremely hard for us, but God helped us through it all. I still can't believe my baby boy is gone. Even though we knew he was really sick we just never thought that he would be one of the babies that wouldn't make it. We just fell in love with him so fast. I will never forgot the 10 days that i got to hold his hand, love him, kiss him,and change his diapers. He was just so amazing. He always wanted to hold one of our hands, and he had such a tight hold. I loved it when he would open his eyes and look at us. He tried so so hard to stay alive. He wanted to live. He would kick and try to pull his tube out all the time. The doctors even said he had a very strong will to live. Even a lady that was working his ecmo machine told us that you could tell the babies that were going to make it most of the time because they wre so strong, no matter what happened that day he always stayed strong, he never just lay still. God just had other plans for my sweet little man. The hardest part for me is that no matter what the doctors say i know that my baby boy suffered. I don't know why God let him suffer and fight so hard and then took him away. He wanted to live so bad, and I understand he wasn't meant for me to keep and be a mommy to, so why should he have to suffer???? I know God has a plan and that i will never understand, but I'm a little bitter. My heart is just so broken. I must stop writing now it's just to hard at this point.....I just wanted to give everybody an update.

I also want to thank the Parker Reese foundation for the beautiful flowers that you sent and all the prayers.....Thank you everybody for your sweet comments and prayers, we sure do need them......

love you all......candice brooke

16 comments:

  1. We are always here for your family! You stay in our thoughts and prayers daily. If we can do anything please let us know.

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  2. Still praying for you and your family.

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  3. Praying for peace and understanding through this difficult time. Shawn and I were happy to help you, although we feel like we didn't do enough. We're just a phone call away.

    We love you so much.

    Stephanie

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss... I can't even imagine the pain. Live everyday for Jackson!

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  5. I'm praying that God will give your family comfort and peace.

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  6. I have been following your blog, and I am very sorry for your loss. A few years ago my mom died suddenly at 53 years old. She was a labor and delivery nurse because she loved to sit and rock babies and love on them. We find comfort in knowing that she is in Heaven and rocking babies that leave this earth too soon, maybe like your Jackson. I know it doesn't take away your pain, but Heaven is a beautiful place, especially for babies, and there are also Mommies up there who can rock them until you meet again. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

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  7. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. There are no words to ease your pain and suffering, but do know I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family.

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  8. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

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  9. I know that no matter what anyone can say to you this is the hardest thing in life that you will go through. I have a belief that those babies that are only here for a short while are the most choicest of spirits in heaven and were so perfect that they didn't need to stay here on this earth for very long. I also believe that after this life you will get to raise your son and be his mommy in heaven. He will always be yours and he will always be with you. I'm sure you picked each other out before this life and you will be together forever. My prayers and heart go out to you at this time. May some comfort and peace be with you.

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  10. Candice, Your family will be in my prayers for some time. I hope that your heart will heal quickly. Love, prayers, healing and understanding are what I wish for you....Chanda

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  11. So so so very sorry for your loss...I am so saddened for you both. ;(
    I am so glad you came on to share your heart. Prayers for peace and comfort.....

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  12. Thinking of you lovely girl. I'm so sorry you're having to live through the hardest thing a parent ever had to do. I pray you feel God's comfort and peace during this impossible time. Call anytime....seriously!

    Love you

    Beth xx

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  13. Candice and Rob,
    We can not begin to imagine how you guys are feeling right now. Jackson fought as hard as he could, you guys must know that. He is your angel, forever watching over you...and all of his CDH friends!
    Thank you for sharing Jackson with all of us!
    We are here if you need us!
    Love and prayers to both of you and Ty,
    Sheryl

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  14. I am so sorry for you loss. I will continue to pray that God brings you both peace and comfort in the days ahead.

    Katie

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  15. Candice

    Craig and I just got back from a cruise, and checking your blog was one of the first things I had to do when we got back. I wish there was some way I could make it better for you both. I would do it in a minute--no one should know our pain. I read your entries, and remember those exact feelings when Kaden was in the NICU. It is gut-wrenching and not fair, but I learned alot by being chosen to be Kaden's mommy. And as sad as I am, I would never give back the time that I got to have him. Please know that you two are in my prayers, that each day will get easier (it takes a while) and that you will reach out if you need anything. Anytime:)

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  16. Candice, I am a friend of Stephanie's, and I have been following your blog since sometime soon after baby Kamryn was born. Of course, you'll probably never meet me, but I have been praying for you and Rob and I will continue. I am so sorry that you'll never be able to realize all the hopes and dreams you had for your sweet baby boy. Thank-you for being so honest about your thoughts and feelings in your blog-I think you are so justified in feeling anger and frustration (as if my opinion counts for anything, right?) I so wish I knew the words that would help ease your pain. Lord, PLEASE bring the comfort, peace, and even joy that only you can bring to the Beals right now.

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