PRAYING FOR IRELAND, CHANDA, AND MIKEY! THEY ARE FACING WHAT ROB AND I FACED THE LAST 2 DAYS OF JACKSONS LIFE. IT'S JUST SO HEARTBREAKING. I STILL BELIEVE THAT IREALND HAS A CHANCE. ALL I CAN DO IS BE POSITIVE FOR THIS VERY SWEET FAMILY, THERE IS STILL HOPE IN HER SITUATION. AS LITTLE AS THE HOPE MIGHT BE, IT'S STILL HERE! PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS FAMILY, THEY NEED SO MANY PRAYERS NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME. I'VE BEEN THERE, PLEASE JUST PRAY.
CANDICE BROOKE
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
IT'S SO UNFAIR.....
It's so unfair! I can't stop crying tonight, and i miss him so bad! This is just the worse thing ever. It's just not fair. I miss my baby so much. The hurt i have is like no other pain i have ever felt before. My heart just hurts so bad and i can't make it better. His room is still set up and waiting on him. I just can't get rid of his things.......I'm just having a hard night and thought i would post.
CANDICE
CANDICE
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
MISSING BABY JACKSON
Sorry i never blog,
Every time I think to post, I just can't come up with the words to say. All I know to say is that CDH is horrible. I could go on and on about how bad my days can get if i let it get to me, but who wants to hear all that...I will say that I never in a million years thought that I would have to suffer the loss of my child. I hear of mothers all the time that have gone through the loss of their children, and I always thought there is no way in the world that i could ever handle that if it were to happen to me. Guess what it did. Even though it is the hardest thing in the world I believe God has helped me cope. I really wouldn't be strong enough without him, I didn't think I could ever handle something like this, but I'm doing it. There are some days that i just can't get Jackson out of my head and I think i just don't want to go on, I just want to be in heaven taking care of my baby and not suffering anymore, but as soon as i think that God lets me know real fast that i have a family here that needs me and Jackson is better then ever. I still think he needs his mommy though. Ok all you people out there don't take that as i want to kill myself. I've never thought that at all, I just think i want to be with my son, my baby boy that I love so much, then i realize i would have to die to be with him and I don't want that at all. Ty needs me! Everyone tells me that I'm so strong and they don't know how I do it, like i said before it has to be God, because I don't know how i do it either. I don't feel I'm a strong person. I feel like I'm falling apart on the inside and I just know how to hold it in very well. I'll tell you the strongest person I know and that is Rob. He has been so strong for me and Ty. I know he hurts so terribly bad but yet he still goes to work everyday and comes home with a smile on his face ready to see his family. He loves us so much and it's just amazing to feel that kind of love. Rob has been through so much in his life and now he is suffering the loss of his baby boy. That's something else i don't understand, why do some people have to go through so much in their lifetime? Rob is a great person, yet he has had to deal with alot of bad things. He still loves God so much and never questions him like i do. He knows God has a bigger better plan in the end, and so do I, but I don't like not understanding. Lets just say Rob has a HUGE heart and spirit that can't and wont be broken. One day soon I'm going to post about how Jackson did on ecmo and about all his days before he past away. I never got on here to blog while he was in the hospital so people really don't know. What people will be shocked about is that Jackson did very well on ecmo and was always alert and holding my hand. For all you CDH parents out there his sat numbers were always 95 plus and his C02 never came back bad, not one time. The only time his numbers went down were when they had to change his machine. Jackson had 4 ecmo machines in 9 days! The 10Th day they were going for the 5th one but we all know the ending to that. The doctors would tell me that every time they had to change the machine no matter how well the baby is doing it puts them way back! Even if he didn't need ecmo anymore and they had to change the machine it is bad. See it's not the flow that was being cut off that hurt him or set him back but it was his body having to get use to all the new plastic of the new machine. Even my body would go crazy if my blood was having to go through new tubes and plastic every 2 days. Jackson's body would have to adjust to these new machines and he did great every time! His numbers would just go down for like an hour and the doctors were amazed. I still haven't read one story or ever heard of a poor little baby's machine going out every 2 days! Even the ecmo people couldn't believe it. I have no idea why his machines weren't working but it really just pisses me off. When they did Jackson's trial off of ecmo his numbers stayed in the 90's, which means he didn't need it. As soon as they did that trial his machine started going out before they were 100% sure rather to take him off yet and so that was another set back. He was off ecmo for 2 hours and did fine but they wanted a little more time to make sure he would stay that way and his machine got a clot, and then of course he had to have the ecmo. There's lots more to that story though and I'll write some other time about it.....thank you all for the prayers and support
Candice
Every time I think to post, I just can't come up with the words to say. All I know to say is that CDH is horrible. I could go on and on about how bad my days can get if i let it get to me, but who wants to hear all that...I will say that I never in a million years thought that I would have to suffer the loss of my child. I hear of mothers all the time that have gone through the loss of their children, and I always thought there is no way in the world that i could ever handle that if it were to happen to me. Guess what it did. Even though it is the hardest thing in the world I believe God has helped me cope. I really wouldn't be strong enough without him, I didn't think I could ever handle something like this, but I'm doing it. There are some days that i just can't get Jackson out of my head and I think i just don't want to go on, I just want to be in heaven taking care of my baby and not suffering anymore, but as soon as i think that God lets me know real fast that i have a family here that needs me and Jackson is better then ever. I still think he needs his mommy though. Ok all you people out there don't take that as i want to kill myself. I've never thought that at all, I just think i want to be with my son, my baby boy that I love so much, then i realize i would have to die to be with him and I don't want that at all. Ty needs me! Everyone tells me that I'm so strong and they don't know how I do it, like i said before it has to be God, because I don't know how i do it either. I don't feel I'm a strong person. I feel like I'm falling apart on the inside and I just know how to hold it in very well. I'll tell you the strongest person I know and that is Rob. He has been so strong for me and Ty. I know he hurts so terribly bad but yet he still goes to work everyday and comes home with a smile on his face ready to see his family. He loves us so much and it's just amazing to feel that kind of love. Rob has been through so much in his life and now he is suffering the loss of his baby boy. That's something else i don't understand, why do some people have to go through so much in their lifetime? Rob is a great person, yet he has had to deal with alot of bad things. He still loves God so much and never questions him like i do. He knows God has a bigger better plan in the end, and so do I, but I don't like not understanding. Lets just say Rob has a HUGE heart and spirit that can't and wont be broken. One day soon I'm going to post about how Jackson did on ecmo and about all his days before he past away. I never got on here to blog while he was in the hospital so people really don't know. What people will be shocked about is that Jackson did very well on ecmo and was always alert and holding my hand. For all you CDH parents out there his sat numbers were always 95 plus and his C02 never came back bad, not one time. The only time his numbers went down were when they had to change his machine. Jackson had 4 ecmo machines in 9 days! The 10Th day they were going for the 5th one but we all know the ending to that. The doctors would tell me that every time they had to change the machine no matter how well the baby is doing it puts them way back! Even if he didn't need ecmo anymore and they had to change the machine it is bad. See it's not the flow that was being cut off that hurt him or set him back but it was his body having to get use to all the new plastic of the new machine. Even my body would go crazy if my blood was having to go through new tubes and plastic every 2 days. Jackson's body would have to adjust to these new machines and he did great every time! His numbers would just go down for like an hour and the doctors were amazed. I still haven't read one story or ever heard of a poor little baby's machine going out every 2 days! Even the ecmo people couldn't believe it. I have no idea why his machines weren't working but it really just pisses me off. When they did Jackson's trial off of ecmo his numbers stayed in the 90's, which means he didn't need it. As soon as they did that trial his machine started going out before they were 100% sure rather to take him off yet and so that was another set back. He was off ecmo for 2 hours and did fine but they wanted a little more time to make sure he would stay that way and his machine got a clot, and then of course he had to have the ecmo. There's lots more to that story though and I'll write some other time about it.....thank you all for the prayers and support
Candice
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
MISS IRELAND ROSE
I just wanted to congratulate Chanda and Mike Brady. Ireland Rose Brady has arrived! I have been keeping up with this sweet family for a few months now. For those of you that dnt have a CDH blog and are just my friends, Ireland also was diagnosed with CDH while in the womb. I pray for this family and I ask that you all will 2. I know how much they need it. Just watching Jackson trying to get better and all the Dr's working on him was hard, so even if Ireland Rose is doing the best you can do with this awful defect it is still very hard on the family and miss Ireland. I have so much love for these CDH babies now that we've been through it. These babies are just so strong and fight so hard. Fight Ireland fight!
candice
candice
Thursday, August 13, 2009
LIFE AFTER HIS DEATH
My my I don't know where to start,
First off I want to thank Stephanie and Shawn Studdard for posting to my blog while i was unable to. That helped us more then they'll ever know, and it kept everybody from worrying so much. I know when i was keeping up with other blogs and i didn't hear anything for a while i would begin to worry. The studdards have just been amazing and have done way more then just keep my blog updated. They were truly a blessing to us. I knew God had us find them and meet them for a reason. They were so busy in their own lifes with a baby in the hospital, another at home, and their daughter hollie as well, but they still kept doing for us. We thank you and Shawn from the bottom of our hearts.
We had Jackson's funeral yesterday, and it was just precious. So many people sent flowers and love. We had a family lunch before the funeral that was very thoughtful and delicious! The funeral was extremely hard for us, but God helped us through it all. I still can't believe my baby boy is gone. Even though we knew he was really sick we just never thought that he would be one of the babies that wouldn't make it. We just fell in love with him so fast. I will never forgot the 10 days that i got to hold his hand, love him, kiss him,and change his diapers. He was just so amazing. He always wanted to hold one of our hands, and he had such a tight hold. I loved it when he would open his eyes and look at us. He tried so so hard to stay alive. He wanted to live. He would kick and try to pull his tube out all the time. The doctors even said he had a very strong will to live. Even a lady that was working his ecmo machine told us that you could tell the babies that were going to make it most of the time because they wre so strong, no matter what happened that day he always stayed strong, he never just lay still. God just had other plans for my sweet little man. The hardest part for me is that no matter what the doctors say i know that my baby boy suffered. I don't know why God let him suffer and fight so hard and then took him away. He wanted to live so bad, and I understand he wasn't meant for me to keep and be a mommy to, so why should he have to suffer???? I know God has a plan and that i will never understand, but I'm a little bitter. My heart is just so broken. I must stop writing now it's just to hard at this point.....I just wanted to give everybody an update.
I also want to thank the Parker Reese foundation for the beautiful flowers that you sent and all the prayers.....Thank you everybody for your sweet comments and prayers, we sure do need them......
love you all......candice brooke
First off I want to thank Stephanie and Shawn Studdard for posting to my blog while i was unable to. That helped us more then they'll ever know, and it kept everybody from worrying so much. I know when i was keeping up with other blogs and i didn't hear anything for a while i would begin to worry. The studdards have just been amazing and have done way more then just keep my blog updated. They were truly a blessing to us. I knew God had us find them and meet them for a reason. They were so busy in their own lifes with a baby in the hospital, another at home, and their daughter hollie as well, but they still kept doing for us. We thank you and Shawn from the bottom of our hearts.
We had Jackson's funeral yesterday, and it was just precious. So many people sent flowers and love. We had a family lunch before the funeral that was very thoughtful and delicious! The funeral was extremely hard for us, but God helped us through it all. I still can't believe my baby boy is gone. Even though we knew he was really sick we just never thought that he would be one of the babies that wouldn't make it. We just fell in love with him so fast. I will never forgot the 10 days that i got to hold his hand, love him, kiss him,and change his diapers. He was just so amazing. He always wanted to hold one of our hands, and he had such a tight hold. I loved it when he would open his eyes and look at us. He tried so so hard to stay alive. He wanted to live. He would kick and try to pull his tube out all the time. The doctors even said he had a very strong will to live. Even a lady that was working his ecmo machine told us that you could tell the babies that were going to make it most of the time because they wre so strong, no matter what happened that day he always stayed strong, he never just lay still. God just had other plans for my sweet little man. The hardest part for me is that no matter what the doctors say i know that my baby boy suffered. I don't know why God let him suffer and fight so hard and then took him away. He wanted to live so bad, and I understand he wasn't meant for me to keep and be a mommy to, so why should he have to suffer???? I know God has a plan and that i will never understand, but I'm a little bitter. My heart is just so broken. I must stop writing now it's just to hard at this point.....I just wanted to give everybody an update.
I also want to thank the Parker Reese foundation for the beautiful flowers that you sent and all the prayers.....Thank you everybody for your sweet comments and prayers, we sure do need them......
love you all......candice brooke
Monday, August 10, 2009
Arrangements
Hi everyone. It's Stephanie, Shawn's wife, and Candice's CDH friend. I spoke with Candice today, and they have arrangements all set up. Jackson's funeral will be held at the Davis Memorial Funeral Home in Brownwood Texas on Wednesday. It will be a small ceremony with close family and friends. Here is what Candice has suggested for those who are interested in sending flowers or making a donation...
Flowers can be sent to the funeral home at 800 Center Ave, Brownwood, TX 76801.
A good friend of theirs has also set up a Memorial Fund. Those details are...
Jackson Beal Memorial Fund
Texas Bank in Brownwood
325-649-9200
#417300
PO Box 1429
Texas Bank 405th Ave.
Brownwood, TX 76804-1429
She also suggested that you can make a donation through Breath of Hope (http://breathofhope.bwdsandbox1.com/) or Cherubs (http://www.cdhsupport.org/) in Jackson's memory.
Candice said that she would be on later tonight to post more. Please continue to send your comments, love and and especially prayers to/for them. Their hearts are hurting right now!
Love,
Stephanie
Flowers can be sent to the funeral home at 800 Center Ave, Brownwood, TX 76801.
A good friend of theirs has also set up a Memorial Fund. Those details are...
Jackson Beal Memorial Fund
Texas Bank in Brownwood
325-649-9200
#417300
PO Box 1429
Texas Bank 405th Ave.
Brownwood, TX 76804-1429
She also suggested that you can make a donation through Breath of Hope (http://breathofhope.bwdsandbox1.com/) or Cherubs (http://www.cdhsupport.org/) in Jackson's memory.
Candice said that she would be on later tonight to post more. Please continue to send your comments, love and and especially prayers to/for them. Their hearts are hurting right now!
Love,
Stephanie
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Angel Jackson
Angel Maxton's blog says that "Some souls are so special, heaven can't wait." I believe that is the case today as we say goodbye to a brave CDH warrior who fought so hard during his short life. Baby Jackson took his last breath today around 1:00pm in Candice's arms. Rob and Candice are shattered right now, living every parents worst nightmare, but were remarkably collected as we spent time with them at the hospital this afternoon. It's not much of a surprise since they have shown unbelievable strength and courage during this long and painful journey. We know there is a reason and a purpose for all of this sadness and pain although we remain frustrated as we can't truly wrap our arms around it. Baby Jackson has touched many lives and taught us what true courage and bravery are all about. He has taught us to appreciate life more while demonstrating just how fragile it really is. We are privileged to have shared in Jackson's story no matter how short the chapter.
Rob and Candice, Stephanie and I are so very sorry for your loss. If there is anything either of you need, you just simply need to say the word. Take care of each other friends and we are here if you need us.
Shawn
Rob and Candice, Stephanie and I are so very sorry for your loss. If there is anything either of you need, you just simply need to say the word. Take care of each other friends and we are here if you need us.
Shawn
Prayers needed for Jackson and Family
It is with a heavy heart that I update all of you on Jackson's condition today. Jackson has not made good progress overnight and the medical staff has let Candice and Rob know that Jackson won't be able to overcome the hypertension. Around 5:00am, his body gave signs that it just couldn't handle the situation any longer. While his heart and lungs appear to be stable, the stress on his body is just too much. They estimate he has probably around 8 hours until he will leave this amazing couple and truly be at peace. Rob and Candice find some comfort right now as they know Rob's father is awaiting Jackson's arrival with open arms in heaven.
Jackson is not in any pain right now and they are preparing him for Rob and Candice to spend time with him this afternoon. Stef and I are heading up to the hospital in just a little bit to be with them.
Please pray for this dear family that they find the strength to endure this afternoon and the days, months, and years ahead of them without their precious Jackson. Please also pray for Jackson that he has a peaceful transition from this world to a much better place in heaven.
Shawn
Jackson is not in any pain right now and they are preparing him for Rob and Candice to spend time with him this afternoon. Stef and I are heading up to the hospital in just a little bit to be with them.
Please pray for this dear family that they find the strength to endure this afternoon and the days, months, and years ahead of them without their precious Jackson. Please also pray for Jackson that he has a peaceful transition from this world to a much better place in heaven.
Shawn
Friday, August 7, 2009
Still on ECMO
I wanted to give you all an update on Baby Jackson. Jackson has been on ECMO for 9 days now and unfortunately hasn't made a lot of progress. He has had at least one circuit change and didn't do to well. He is stable right now, but surgery isn't on the immediate horizon as it was a couple of days ago. His face is swollen, but the rest of his body isn't as swollen as much as it could be from ECMO.
The hypertension is still pretty severe right now and it doesn't look like he will be coming off ECMO in the immediate future. Our hearts are breaking for this family as we understand that they are going to give Jackson the weekend to make progress and then assess Monday what, if anything, can be done further to help him make progress. They have done about everything possible up to this point to get him over this hurdle, but the hypertension is persistent and not showing signs of decreasing. As Candice told Stef today, they are going to try two more types of medicine on him and give him through the weekend, and will assess from there.
We know that there is still hope as many baby's have been on ECMO much longer than 9 days and survived. As you can imagine, Candice and Rob are devastated though with the progress right now. We are praying that Jackson can make some positive progress over the weekend and hope you will join us in prayer for Jackson and for the family.
I will update as soon as we have more information.
Shawn
The hypertension is still pretty severe right now and it doesn't look like he will be coming off ECMO in the immediate future. Our hearts are breaking for this family as we understand that they are going to give Jackson the weekend to make progress and then assess Monday what, if anything, can be done further to help him make progress. They have done about everything possible up to this point to get him over this hurdle, but the hypertension is persistent and not showing signs of decreasing. As Candice told Stef today, they are going to try two more types of medicine on him and give him through the weekend, and will assess from there.
We know that there is still hope as many baby's have been on ECMO much longer than 9 days and survived. As you can imagine, Candice and Rob are devastated though with the progress right now. We are praying that Jackson can make some positive progress over the weekend and hope you will join us in prayer for Jackson and for the family.
I will update as soon as we have more information.
Shawn
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Current condition
Good evening everyone, it's Shawn again. Stef spoke with Candice tonight and we do have some updates to post about Baby Jackson. First, he has been moved to a high frequency oscillating ventilator (HFOV) and this appears to be working well to keep Jackson's lungs inflated while on ECMO. Candice can see his chest moving up and down which I know is very reassuring to them.
They will take another x-ray tonight to see how his lungs look because they are now contemplating surgery. It looks like they are leaning towards Jackson being repaired while he is on ECMO and the x-rays will be one of the clues to when that moment of opportunity presents itself.
We are currently waiting on a picture of Baby Jackson that should be here tonight sometime and we will update this post with that picture.
Candice sounds like she is holding up well, but is just exhausted as she spends all day at the hospital and has to be emotionally drained, not to mention physically exhausted since giving birth under very stressful circumstances.
Honestly, Candice and Rob are in a situation that Stef and I can't fully appreciate as we were spared ECMO and this chapter of CDH. Some of you who are reading this know the ECMO world far too well and can relate first hand to the emotional battle they both must be going through. Please pray not only for Baby Jackson to fight and overcome this ECMO stage, but also for this very sweet family to find the strength to endure this chapter and comfort in the current strategy to save Baby Jackson.
Shawn
They will take another x-ray tonight to see how his lungs look because they are now contemplating surgery. It looks like they are leaning towards Jackson being repaired while he is on ECMO and the x-rays will be one of the clues to when that moment of opportunity presents itself.
We are currently waiting on a picture of Baby Jackson that should be here tonight sometime and we will update this post with that picture.
Candice sounds like she is holding up well, but is just exhausted as she spends all day at the hospital and has to be emotionally drained, not to mention physically exhausted since giving birth under very stressful circumstances.
Honestly, Candice and Rob are in a situation that Stef and I can't fully appreciate as we were spared ECMO and this chapter of CDH. Some of you who are reading this know the ECMO world far too well and can relate first hand to the emotional battle they both must be going through. Please pray not only for Baby Jackson to fight and overcome this ECMO stage, but also for this very sweet family to find the strength to endure this chapter and comfort in the current strategy to save Baby Jackson.
Shawn
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